Wilderness

Today was a day for stepping out into the wilderness.
I have decided to spend my big 30 in the forest so went to check it out.
I also had some disagreements with my bf while on the way to the forest.
He was late.
I should of known better really, some people are not early morning Saturday people.
So had a jaunt to the forest and found some walking routes.
Took some photos.
Hugged a tree.
Balanced on a branch.
Went back home via the tube, bf got stressed with all the travelling and moaned.
We rushed to the supermarket, bf was more stressed, thinking about tmrw.
He didn't really want to be there with me it seemed.
Made it to the check out discussing our relationship in the check-out aisle.
I cooked us dinner as soon as we got in, bf fell asleep.
I got stressed as time was running out and I needed to relax.
I announced I was too stressed to make dessert.
I needed to sit down and relax.
bf woke up, helped with dinner while I made dessert.
I calmed down, had a sip of wine and gave bf a kiss and ruffled his hair.
bf didn't like the ruffling of hair.
What can you do?
We ate dinner.
Watched The Lives Of Others on dvd.
Great film.
Went to sleep.
I couldn't sleep.
I put my arm across bf's chest, he pushed it away.
What can you do?
I leant against him in bed, he moved me away, he didn't have enough space he said.
What can you do?
Holding hands is okay, he said.
Hmmm... I thought.
What can you do?

I don't know.

New year's resolution

Well my new year's resolution is to not go out drinking without eating too. On this day I was feeling terrible. Indeed on the previous night I vomitted when I got home. I remember eating some sweet Chinese pastry we got as we walked through Chinatown. It was kind of almond flavour, anyway, I woke up feeling not very good, vomitted again, then had a shower. I convinced myself it was safe to venture out. I had a training course at work. It was for Fraud Awareness. I was sitting on the tube tentatively sipping water and eating a banana, convinced that everything would be okay, I just needed to eat something. I arrived 15 mins late at the training, the administrator lady was just about to call me she said. She told me to go in and where there was a spare seat. So I went in. Shortly after that we were going around the table, the trainer was asking us to give an example of fraud, it was a refresher on what they had just gone through. I was half asleep but managed to mumble: credit card fraud, which she then amended to 'theft' on the white board. Then we had to discuss with our partners some scenerios of fraud in the workplace. I couldn't care less about fraud in the workplace at that point, but managed to hold on. Until about half way through the next section when I had to leave. I hurried out, looked for a toilet and yes, vomitted again. Now reader, I am not proud of my actions. Vomitting because of a self-induced hangover is not something to feel clever about, especially when one is approaching thirty. I should of grown out of that by now, you may think. So anyway, during the break I had to excuse myself and leave, I told the administrator lady that I was sick and had been vomitting all morning. Lucky for me there is some winter vomitting virus going around London at the moment. So, I got my stuff and left, not before going back into the toilet again and vomitting once more.

On the way home I was telling myself eveything would be okay, at every step of the journey positive afirmations were said (in my mind, not aloud). I was glad to get out of the tube and onto stable ground and fresh air. At home I went straight to bed. It was about midday.

Too much celebrating..?

Well, I got a text from a class mate who wanted to meet up for a drink. It was good to catch up and talk about the course, I hadn't seen anyone since last month before Christmas. We discussed life, love, you know the important things that need talking about every now and then. In the process we drank a lot, I had too much and with only some crisps in my stomach the consequences were not good the following day...

deadline

I made the deadline and was relieved! I bought an expensive bottle of wine and had a mini celebration on my own.

Author, me?!

Hopefully, all being well I am soon to be a published author! I have had confirmation that two of my pieces have made it into the University literary publication. Although all the submissions are all subject to the approval of the director of the Kingston University Press. But I'm happy. I was at the editorial meeting last night. Even though I am part of the editorial team, my work was chosen by others to be in. It's great as it means my peers like my work. I was so happy, it almost gave me a migraine. Honestly! I think now that my migraines are linked to emotional response. If I get hyper either through stress or elation, it seems to trigger them. I guess stranger things have happened. The solution I feel is meditation.

Also more good news. As I checked my email this morning, I got one from an online journal that I submitted a short story too - incidentally it was the same short story that I submitted to the University magazine - and they want to publish my story too! Only thing is only one publication can have it, so I need to choose. But it's great news, encouraging and reassuring. I'm going to have to think which one will be better for my career. It's a serious decision! :-)

Drugs

I'm now on paracetamol and codeine to control my migraine after consultation with the pharmacist. Migraines shouldn't last this long, so I'm worried, I should go and see the doctor, but I've got my assignment to write which takes priority so happy to have a quick fix for a few days while I get it out of the way. This blog is full of medical drama, it's like an episode of ER (joke).

So in the stress to write my assignment I'm eating lots of biscuits. I somehow think that eating biscuits make me write better, I've convinced myself that this is the case...if I was off sick at home I would be drinking lots of tea and eating biscuits as I write. Even though I'm at work, I somehow see myself as sick and this is enough justification to sneakily eat biscuits out of my filing cabinet when no one is looking. The fact that I'm doing it covertly is another sign that I know it's wrong and uncharacteristic of me. I'm known for my healthy vegan eating around here. But I figure I need something to get me through the day. What makes it worse is that I haven't resumed my regular trips to the gym before work, this is because I'm still recovering from my cold, although I'm pretty much recovered now. And I was thinking yesterday that I must start using my weights soon otherwise any definition will be lost...I'm thinking about all of this as I try and write my assignment. I need to stop worrying. I'm sounding neurotic.

Stream of consciousness

It's not easy reading Virginia Woolf's The Waves with a migraine, I can tell you. It seems to make it worse. Everything is written in first person speech, but about six characters are speaking at the same time almost, the whole story is being told via speech. Someone recommended it to me as a good example of a stream of consciousness text, similar to one I started to write.